How are you?

howryou-5

How are you? The most basic question that up until now I’m finding difficult to answer. How to answer? Well if the one asking cannot see me, like say, thru text, chat, email or phone call (rarely) I would just type an okay to get on with the conversation. But who am I kidding? Every time somebody asks me that I just want to be perfectly honest and scream my heart out I AM NOT OKAY!! I don’t know if I ever will be! And please stop asking because you should know better! I had a group of veins explode on my brain! Now you tell me, who comes out right after that? But I have learned to just shrug it all off and politely say okay because I don’t want to be tagged as a “negative thinker” or an ungrateful bitch who was given a new lease on life but can’t be thankful for it.
But in our world today, people don’t have time to listen to your rants or raves because they are primarily “busy” with their lives that they can’t be bothered at all. So I just say I’m okay. I don’t think people would want to be bothered because if they do want to be it wouldn’t take a year for them to come and see if I was still breathing. Well FYI. Tomorrow is the 9th month anniversary of my bleed. 9 months??!!And I could barely count on my fingers the number of people who really, sincerely, wished me well. And whenever this thought fly my mind which is so often, say 10 times in a day I would be melancholic and ask myself what if this happened to Maria? (Not a real person, just a product of my shallow imagination) what will I do? And I know deep in my heart that if Maria is somebody I grew fond of, I would try to reach out and check on her regularly because God knows how much she needed it.
This post is not meant to solicit anything from anyone. I’m probably ranting on my laptop since I got no one else to do it with.
Am I ok??? I hope I am. I wanted to be for the longest time. Are you okay? I don’t have time to ask you because I’m busy with my trivial life.
After reading please ignore. And don’t look for me in the chat box of Facebook. Or don’t even try to text me. I’ve changed my number. Don’t go visiting my house as I am not sick. Not anymore. I have decided to let go of excess baggage in my life and I think it’s easier that way. Rather than getting disappointed over and over again. So if you think you are that excess baggage. I’m sorry. I never meant to .

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